While the goal of a fictional vampire is to harvest blood from their victim, energy vampires (aka emotional vampires) are after our life force. They often start off with flattery, doing nice things for us, or they may shower us with gifts or attention. Then all of a sudden they pull a switch and become controlling, criticizing, or display an over developed sense of attachment. They may even play the ‘victim’ and attempt to get you to rescue them.

The controlling type may do something that seems nice such as offer you a ride to the airport, or make you dinner. But if you refuse they get angry. Getting you to do what they want (controlling you) is how they are ‘fed’ energetically. When you say ‘no’ it upsets them as they don’t get their ‘fix’. Do what you can to resist their suggestions and commands. When you resist enough, they will move on to another host.
The criticizing style will put you down, and aim to inflict emotional and/or psychic pain to you. It’s not necessarily conscious on their part. But unconsciously they know that if they can hurt you, inflict some pain somehow, they can get you to bleed energetically. The life force that leaks out of you when you receive the pain is the ‘blood’ they feed on. If you try to explain to them how they just hurt you, they will put you down for it. Try not to let them hurt you (or don’t show it) as that is how they are fed.
The type of vampire that is emotionally over-attached, or plays victim, will be after you for emotional support. They may try to get you to favors for them or act on their behalf. They may even try to borrow money, or just talk your ear off with their problems, but yet they will not accept any solutions. Their favorite game is ‘yes, but…’ They may try to get your on their side (when there really is no ‘side’ to take) or become jealous. Their main goal is trying to create a feeling of intimacy (though obviously not in a healthy way), as this is how they feed. Avoid rescuing them, and set firm limits with your time and boundaries. For the chronic talker, interrupt them and redirect the conversation.
Sometimes we can be our own worst vampire! Having internalized voices from our past, our own inner critic may take over and harvest our energy, sucking the life out of us internally. Changing our thought patterns and redirecting them to self love is key. Find what lights you up internally and generate as much of that as possible.
Situational vampires can be such things as a job that does not fit your true nature.  Going against your instincts and doing what you think you ‘should’ be doing, rather than what fits who you truly are, can truly drain the life force from a sensitive soul. Follow what literally ‘lights you up’ to generate more chi.
Most energy vampires are not acting consciously. They are wounded souls who have learned that the only way to get any energy is by taking it from others. They need to learn how to get their nurturance from source, their own life; not from you.

SIGNS YOU HAVE BEEN DRAINED BY AN EMOTIONAL VAMPIRE:
•    You feel tired and exhausted after being around them
•    Feeling cheated, resentful, anxious or shut down after being around them
•    Experience the feeling of being ‘slimed’
•    Loss of mental energy
•    Physical strength decreases by as much as 50%
•    Weight gain due to binge eat to relieve stress from being drained by another person. A binge on comfort foods is an attempt to feel better or ‘get your energy back’. Someone has just fed on you, now your instinct is to be fed. But it’s not really food we need, it is protection from the energy sucker.
•    Inability to think clearly
•    Short term memory declines
•    Exposure can take a day or weeks to recover

According to the research of Dr. Joe H. Slate, Ph.D., Kirlian (aura) photography shows that during an attack the emotional vampire reaches out to the victim via a tentacle like structure that then punctures and draws energy from the victim’s aura. This expands the vampire’s aura, showing as increased light in the Kirlian photography, and constricts the victim’s aura decreasing their light aka energy. The ‘puncture wounds’ can then take days or weeks to heal. Long term effects of prolonged exposure can cause serious illness in the victim.
Dr. Gillian Holloway echoes a similar sentiment: “Sadist (energy vampire) attacks seem to leave lasting scars, and one of them can be a reduced ability to ‘hold a charge’ as the mystics say. Physical conditioning and breathing meditations can build up your ability to hold your own energy in a powerful way, and to get used to feeling powerful again.” Here are some more tips on how to regain power.

STRATEGIES FOR DEALING WITH EMOTIONAL VAMPIRES:
•    Say no to the favors they offer
•    Do not rescue the
•    Redirect the conversation
•    Breath deeply
•    Resist their suggestions or commands
•    Stay emotionally neutral; they are trying to get you to react as it feeds them
•    Say “I’m sorry, but I can only talk for a few minutes”
•    Say “I hate to interrupt, but…” then interrupt them
•    Say “Thank you for your suggestion, I’ll consider it”. Then do what you want.
•    Move around while they are talking to you
•    Avoid eye contact
•    Do not replay their attacks in your mind
•    Try not to hurt when they attack; it feeds them
•    If you are able, do some physical exercise as it moves energy through the body
•    Set firm limits and boundaries
•    Speak loudly, firm and clear
•    Stay centered and calm

ENERGY WORK:
•    Imagine yourself surrounded by an impenetrable bubble of white light that protects you
•    Talk to them in your mind, for example: “I am in charge of my energy, and you cannot have it.”
•    Imagine their energy in the shape of a ball. Push the ball away from you and send it back to them.
•    Cut the psychic/energetic chords between you
•    When we are drained our energy travels upward (i.e. ‘riled up’ vs. ‘calmed down’). Imagine a bird whose feathers get ruffled, as a metaphor for how this person has riled up your energy. Now imagine the bird’s feathers smoothing down, as your energy calms down and you are able to center and rebalance yourself.

Mimi Pettibone is a Certified Transactional Analysis Practitioner who specializes in dream interpretation, relationships and communication skills. She offers classes and consultations in Seattle, WA and offers private consultations by phone as well. Mimi host bi-monthly telephone dream groups, where members engage in a group process of dream exploration. To join the telephone dream group, go to www.meetup.com/DreamGroup and click ‘join’ to receive calendar updates of upcoming groups and events and to RSVP.

Written by Dr. Judith Orloff, Author of ‘Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life’

Relationship Secrets for Highly Empathic People

Loneliness gets to some more than others. But why it hangs on isn’t always apparent when read by traditional medical eyes. In my psychiatric practice in Los Angeles and in my workshops I’ve been struck by how many sensitive, empathic people who I call “emotional empaths” come to me, lonely, wanting a romantic partner, yet remaining single for years. Or else they’re in relationships but feel constantly fatigued and overwhelmed. The reason isn’t simply that “there aren’t enough emotionally available people ‘out there,'” nor is their burnout “neurotic.” Personally and professionally, I’ve discovered that something more is going on.

In “Emotional Freedom” I describe emotional empaths as a species unto themselves. Whereas others may thrive on the togetherness of being a couple, for empaths like me, too much togetherness can be difficult, may cause us to bolt. Why? We tend to intuit and absorb our partner’s energy, and become overloaded, anxious, or exhausted when we don’t have time to decompress in our own space. We’re super-responders; our sensory experience of relationship is the equivalent of feeling objects with 50 fingers instead of five. Energetically sensitive people unknowingly avoid romantic partnership because deep down they’re afraid of getting engulfed. Or else, they feel engulfed when coupled, a nerve-wracking, constrictive way to live. If this isn’t understood, empaths can stay perpetually lonely. We want companionship, but, paradoxically, it doesn’t feel safe. One empath patient told me, “It helps explain why at 32 I’ve only had two serious relationships, each lasting less than a year.” Once we empaths learn to set boundaries and negotiate our energetic preferences, intimacy becomes possible.

For emotional empaths to be at ease in a relationship, the traditional paradigm for coupling must be redefined. Most of all, this means asserting your personal space needs — the physical and time limits you set with someone so you don’t feel they’re on top of you. Empaths can’t fully experience emotional freedom with another until they do this. Your space needs can vary with your situation, upbringing, and culture. My ideal distance to keep in public is at least an arm’s length. In doctors’ waiting rooms I’ll pile my purse and folders on the seats beside me to keep others away.

With friends it’s about half that. With a mate it’s variable. Sometimes it’s rapture being wrapped in his arms; later I may need to be in a room of my own, shut away. One boyfriend who truly grasped the concept got me a “Keep Out” sign for my study door! For me, this was a sign of true love. All of us have an invisible energetic border that sets a comfort level. Identifying and communicating yours will prevent you from being bled dry by others. Then intimacy can flourish, even if you’ve felt suffocated before. Prospective mates or family members may seem like emotional vampires when you don’t know how to broach the issue of personal space. You may need to educate others — make clear that this isn’t about not loving them — but get the discussion going. Once you can, you’re able to build progressive relationships.

If you’re an empath or if the ordinary expectations of coupledom don’t jibe with you practice the following tips.

Define your personal space needs

Tip 1. What to say to a potential mate

As you’re getting to know someone, share that you’re a sensitive person, that you periodically need quiet time. The right partner will be understanding; the wrong person will put you down for being “overly sensitive,” and won’t respect your need.

Tip 2. Clarify your preferred sleep style

Traditionally, partners sleep in the same bed. However, some empaths never get used to this, no matter how caring a mate. Nothing personal; they just like their own sleep space. Speak up about your preferences. Feeling trapped in bed with someone, not getting a good night’s rest, is torture. Energy fields blend during sleep, which can overstimulate empaths. So, discuss options with your mate. Separate beds. Separate rooms. Sleeping together a few nights a week. Because non-empaths may feel lonely sleeping alone, make compromises when possible.

Tip 3. Negotiate your square footage needs

You may be thrilled about your beloved until you live together. Experiment with creative living conditions so your home isn’t a prison. Breathing room is mandatory. Ask yourself, “What space arrangements are optimal?” Having an area to retreat to, even if it’s a closet? A room divider? Separate bathrooms? Separate houses? I prefer having my own bedroom/office to retreat to. I also can see the beauty of separate wings or adjacent houses if affordable. Here’s why: conversations, scents, coughing, movement can feel intrusive. Even if my partner’s vibes are sublime, sometimes I’d rather not sense them even if they’re only hovering near me. I’m not just being finicky; it’s about maintaining well-being if I live with someone.

Tip 4. Travel wisely

Traveling with someone, you may want to have separate space too. Whether my companion is romantic or not, I’ll always have adjoining rooms with my own bathroom. If sharing a room is the only option, hanging a sheet as a room divider will help. “Out of sight” may make the heart grow fonder.

Tip 5. Take regular mini-breaks

Empaths require private downtime to regroup. Even a brief escape prevents emotional overload. Retreat for five minutes into the bathroom with the door shut. Take a stroll around the block. Read in a separate room. One patient told her boyfriend, “I need to disappear into a quiet room for ten minutes at a party, even if I’m having fun,” a form of self-care that he supports.

In my medical practice, I’ve seen this creative approach to relationships save marriages and make ongoing intimacies feel safe, even for emotional empaths (of all ages) who’ve been lonely and haven’t had a long-term partner before. Once you’re able to articulate your needs, emotional freedom in your relationships is possible.

Here is Part 2 of Christel Broederlow’s article on Empaths:

Empaths are often poets in motion. They are the born writers, singers, and artists with a high degree of creativity and imagination. They are known for many talents as their interests are varied, broad and continual, loving, loyal and humorous. They often have interests in many cultures and view them with a broad-minded perspective. They are mother, father, child, friend, nurse, caregiver, teacher, doctor, sales people… to psychic, clairvoyant, healer, etc. (That is not to say that any of these categories are all empaths.) The list is extensive and really unimportant. It is more important to notice that empaths are everywhere–in every culture and throughout the world.

Empaths Are Good Listeners

Empaths are often very affectionate in personality and expression, great listeners and counselors (and not just in the professional area). They will find themselves helping others and often putting their own needs aside to do so. In the same breath, they can be much the opposite. They may be quiet, withdrawn from the outside world, loners, depressed, neurotic, life’s daydreamers, or even narcissistic.

They are most often passionate towards nature and respect its bountiful beauty. One will often find empaths enjoying the outdoors, beaches, walking, etc. Empaths may find themselves continually drawn to nature as a form of release. It is the opportune place to recapture their senses and gain a sense of peace in the hectic lives they may live. The time to get away from it all and unwind with nature becomes essential to the empath. Animals are often dear to the heart of empaths, not as a power object, but as a natural love. It is not uncommon for empaths to have more than one pet in their homes.

Traits of an Empath

Empaths are often quiet and can take a while to handle a compliment for they’re more inclined to point out another’s positive attributes. They are highly expressive in all areas of emotional connection, and talk openly, and, at times, quite frankly in respect to themselves. They may have few problems talking about their feelings.

However, they can be the exact opposite: reclusive and apparently unresponsive at the best of times. They may even appear ignorant. Some are very good at blocking out others and that’s not always a bad thing, at least for the learning empath struggling with a barrage of emotions from others, as well as their own feelings.

Empaths have a tendency to openly feel what is outside of them more so than what is inside of them. This can cause empaths to ignore their own needs. In general an empath is non-violent, non-aggressive and leans more towards being the peacemaker. Any area filled with disharmony creates an uncomfortable feeling in an empath. If they find themselves in the middle of a confrontation, they will endeavor to settle the situation as quickly as possible, if not avoid it all together. If any harsh words are expressed in defending themselves, they will likely resent their lack of self-control, and have a preference to peacefully resolve the problem quickly.

Empaths are sensitive to TV, videos, movies, news and broadcasts. Violence or emotional dramas depicting shocking scenes of physical or emotional pain inflicted on adults, children or animals can bring an empath easily to tears. At times, they may feel physically ill or choke back the tears. Some empaths will struggle to comprehend any such cruelty, and will have grave difficulty in expressing themselves in the face of another’s ignorance, closed-mindedness and obvious lack of compassion. They simply cannot justify the suffering they feel and see.

People of all walks of life and animals are attracted to the warmth and genuine compassion of empaths. Regardless of whether others are aware of one being empathic, people are drawn to them as a metal object is to a magnet! They are like beacons of light.

Even complete strangers find it easy to talk to empaths about the most personal things, and before they know it, they have poured out their hearts and souls without intending to do so consciously. It is as though on a sub-conscious level that person knows instinctively that empaths would listen with compassionate understanding.

Here are the listeners of life. Empaths are often problem solvers, thinkers, and studiers of many things. As far as empaths are concerned, where a problem is, so too is the answer. They often will search until they find one–if only for peace of mind.

Written by Christel Broederlow Copyright (c) 2002 Christel Broederlow Shortened Version from The Empath Report 101

About this contributor: Christel Broederlow is a natural born empath and author of numerous articles about empathy through personal experience and continual research. Her Web site, The Empath Report, previously hosted at Geocities is no longer active.

Here is part two of the article by Christel Broederlow:

Empaths are often poets in motion. They are the born writers, singers, and artists with a high degree of creativity and imagination. They are known for many talents as their interests are varied, broad and continual, loving, loyal and humorous. They often have interests in many cultures and view them with a broad-minded perspective. They are mother, father, child, friend, nurse, caregiver, teacher, doctor, sales people… to psychic, clairvoyant, healer, etc. (That is not to say that any of these categories are all empaths.) The list is extensive and really unimportant. It is more important to notice that empaths are everywhere–in every culture and throughout the world.
Empaths Are Good Listeners
Empaths are often very affectionate in personality and expression, great listeners and counselors (and not just in the professional area). They will find themselves helping others and often putting their own needs aside to do so. In the same breath, they can be much the opposite. They may be quiet, withdrawn from the outside world, loners, depressed, neurotic, life’s daydreamers, or even narcissistic.

They are most often passionate towards nature and respect its bountiful beauty. One will often find empaths enjoying the outdoors, beaches, walking, etc. Empaths may find themselves continually drawn to nature as a form of release. It is the opportune place to recapture their senses and gain a sense of peace in the hectic lives they may live. The time to get away from it all and unwind with nature becomes essential to the empath. Animals are often dear to the heart of empaths, not as a power object, but as a natural love. It is not uncommon for empaths to have more than one pet in their homes.
Traits of an Empath
Empaths are often quiet and can take a while to handle a compliment for they’re more inclined to point out another’s positive attributes. They are highly expressive in all areas of emotional connection, and talk openly, and, at times, quite frankly in respect to themselves. They may have few problems talking about their feelings.

However, they can be the exact opposite: reclusive and apparently unresponsive at the best of times. They may even appear ignorant. Some are very good at blocking out others and that’s not always a bad thing, at least for the learning empath struggling with a barrage of emotions from others, as well as their own feelings.

Empaths have a tendency to openly feel what is outside of them more so than what is inside of them. This can cause empaths to ignore their own needs. In general an empath is non-violent, non-aggressive and leans more towards being the peacemaker. Any area filled with disharmony creates an uncomfortable feeling in an empath. If they find themselves in the middle of a confrontation, they will endeavor to settle the situation as quickly as possible, if not avoid it all together. If any harsh words are expressed in defending themselves, they will likely resent their lack of self-control, and have a preference to peacefully resolve the problem quickly.

Empaths are sensitive to TV, videos, movies, news and broadcasts. Violence or emotional dramas depicting shocking scenes of physical or emotional pain inflicted on adults, children or animals can bring an empath easily to tears. At times, they may feel physically ill or choke back the tears. Some empaths will struggle to comprehend any such cruelty, and will have grave difficulty in expressing themselves in the face of another’s ignorance, closed-mindedness and obvious lack of compassion. They simply cannot justify the suffering they feel and see.

People of all walks of life and animals are attracted to the warmth and genuine compassion of empaths. Regardless of whether others are aware of one being empathic, people are drawn to them as a metal object is to a magnet! They are like beacons of light.

Even complete strangers find it easy to talk to empaths about the most personal things, and before they know it, they have poured out their hearts and souls without intending to do so consciously. It is as though on a sub-conscious level that person knows instinctively that empaths would listen with compassionate understanding.

Here are the listeners of life. Empaths are often problem solvers, thinkers, and studiers of many things. As far as empaths are concerned, where a problem is, so too is the answer. They often will search until they find one–if only for peace of mind.

Written by Christel Broederlow Copyright (c) 2002 Christel Broederlow Shortened Version from The Empath Report 101

About this contributor: Christel Broederlow is a natural born empath and author of numerous articles about empathy through personal experience and continual research. Her Web site, The Empath Report, previously hosted at Geocities is no longer active.

To read the original article, go here:
http://healing.about.com/cs/empathic/a/uc_empathtraits_2.htm

Have you ever wondered what empathy truly is, or who is an empath? Here is a great article by Christel Broederlow, part 1 of 2:

Empathy is the ability to read and understand people and be in-tune with or resonate with others, voluntarily or involuntarily of one’s empath capacity.

Empaths have the ability to scan another’s psyche for thoughts and feelings or for past, present, and future life occurrences. Many empaths are unaware of how this actually works, and have long accepted that they were sensitive to others.

Empaths Sense Deep Emotions
Empathy is a feeling of another’s true emotions to a point where an empath can relate to that person by sensing true feelings that run deeper than those portrayed on the surface. People commonly put on a show of expression. This is a learned trait of hiding authentic expression in an increasingly demanding society.

An empath can sense the truth behind the cover and will act compassionately to help that person express him/herself, thus making them feel at ease and not so desperately alone.

Empaths experience empathy towards family, children, friends, close associates, complete strangers, pets, plants and inanimate objects. Empathy is not held by time or space. Thus, an empath can feel the emotions of people and things at a distance. Some are empathic towards animals (ie: The Horse Whisperer), to nature, to the planetary system, to mechanical devices or to buildings etc. Others will have a combination of the above.
Empaths Have Deep Sense of Knowing
Empaths are highly sensitive. This is the term commonly used in describing one’s abilities (sensitivity) to another’s emotions and feelings. Empaths have a deep sense of knowing that accompanies empathy and are often compassionate, considerate, and understanding of others.

There are also varying levels of strength in empaths which may be related to the individualís awareness of self, understanding of the powers of empathy, and/or the acceptance or non-acceptance of empathy by those associated with them, including family and peers. Generally, those who are empathic grow up with these tendencies and do not learn about them until later in life.
Empathy is Inherited
Empathy is genetic, inherent in our DNA, and passed from generation to generation. It is studied both by traditional science and alternative healing practitioners.

Empathy has both biological/genetic and spiritual aspects.

Empaths often possess the ability to sense others on many different levels. From their position in observing what another is saying, feeling and thinking, they come to understand another. They can become very proficient at reading another personís body language and/or study intently the eye movements. While this in itself is not empathy, it is a side-shoot that comes from being observant of others. In a sense, empaths have a complete communication package.
How Empathy Works
While there is much we don’t yet understand about how empathy works, we do have some information. Everything has an energetic vibration or frequency and an empath is able to sense these vibrations and recognize even the subtlest changes undetectable to the naked eye or the five senses.

Words of expression hold an energetic pattern that originates from the speaker. They have a specific meaning particular to the speaker. Behind that expression is a power or force-field, better known as energy. For example, hate often brings about an intense feeling that immediately accompanies the word. The word hate becomes strengthened with the speaker’s feeling. It is that person’s feelings (energy) that are picked up by empaths, whether the words are spoken, thought or just felt without verbal or bodily expression.

The original article can be found here:

  http://healing.about.com/cs/empathic/a/uc_empathtraits.htm