Ask The Dream Detective: from Mimi’s Dream Column for the New Spirit Journal

THE JESTER, PRINCE, AND KING DREAM

A 17 year old woman had the following dream:

“I dreamed I was dating a jester and he loved me, but I didn’t like him at all. Then I dated a prince and he loved me and I loved him back. But then a king came along from another kingdom, and I left the prince for the king. The king loved me but only when I did what he wanted. Once I didn’t do what he wanted, I had to earn his love back but the prince was still hoping for my return and still loved me.”

This dream reminds me of the story of the three bears. When Goldilocks tries their porridge one is too hot and one is too cold, but the other is just right! On one level, the story in this dream is a reflection of a young woman finding her way when it comes to selecting an appropriate romantic partner. When discussing the dream, she described her ex-boyfriend as looking like the jester! According to her, he was somewhat immature and a bit of a class clown who seemed more concerned with what other people thought than with standing up for his own values and beliefs – or for those of his girlfriend. He would spend his energy trying to please outside people, even if he didn’t know them, rather than pleasing her or making her a priority. When we side with the waiter, for example, over our partner, when the waiter brings the wrong order, we are discounting the person we supposedly care about the most and placing a complete stranger above them. This is a recipe for relationship sabotage. According to top relationship expert Stan Tatkin, one of the keys to making a relationship work is to put each other first before any outside parties, and – get this – to treat each other like king and queen! No wonder a jester didn’t make the grade for her.

In the next part of the dream she dated a prince and the love was reciprocal. How nice! Finally, a good match. But then she left him for the king, who’s love was unfortunately very conditional. He only loved her when she did what he wanted. When we explored this dynamic, she had not actually had a boyfriend like this…yet; though her programming would likely lead her to one as this conditional approach to love was very reminiscent of her father. When she got good grades, and met with his approval she felt loved. But when she didn’t live up to his expectations he could be very disapproving and she felt like she had to earn his love back, just like she did with the king in the dream. She never felt loved or OK for just being herself, and always felt like she had to ‘perform’ to get his acceptance. Is it any wonder then, that she found a boyfriend who himself was a performer (symbolized by the jester in the dream) in the form of the ultimate people-pleaser?

This brings another layer of meaning to the dream, as we are very holographic creatures. If we look at the dream from an intra-psychic perspective (i.e. within her own psyche) we can see the jester not only as her ex-boyfriend, but as an energy within her own self that she was embodying. By jumping through every hoop her father expected her to, attempting to constantly please him rather than living true to her authentic self, she was embracing the energy of the people-pleasing-performance-oriented jester. In the dream, she eventually rejected the jester, as she did in waking life when she broke up with the jester-like boyfriend. To continue on the intra-psychic layer, the relationship with the prince very likely represents her connection with her true self, finding what she loves, and loving herself. She had glimpses of this feeling when involved in an extra-curricular school activity that she loved. She found that when she was enjoying her natural talents and interests and being true to herself she was able to connect with others on a very authentic level. She was able to make some great friends and get a taste of being liked for just being herself. However, the old patterning soon took over and she ditched the activity she loved to pursue an interest of her father’s, after much pressure from him. This is depicted symbolically in the dream when she leaves the prince for the king. Meanwhile, the friends that she made while participating in the activity she loved were beckoning her to come back, as was her soul! This is shown in the dream by the prince still hoping for her return, as well as his continued love for her.

What an intense dream. What seems like a short little fairy tale on the surface has so much to say not only about the dreamer’s romantic relationships, but about her connection to her true self. And when we shift the energies within our self, the energies of the outside world, including our relationships, shift as well. All her life, this dreamer had felt afraid of losing her father’s approval, and sacrificed her own desires to please him. The few times she did pursue her own interests were met not only with the external disapproval of her father, but an internal sense of guilt that she was doing something wrong because of his reactions. Working with this dream helped the dreamer to see these dynamics and gave her the validation, confirmation, and permission she needed to pursue that connection with her authentic self without guilt, which would then allow her to have a balanced romantic relationship and friendships as well. Long live the prince!

Ask The Dream Detective: from Mimi’s Dream Column for the New Spirit Journal

A 52-year-old woman has the following recurring dream:

“I have recurring dreams that I am back in school and about to take a test, when suddenly I realize that I have not studied, nor did I ever attend the class! I go into a panic. In other versions of the dream, I can’t find the classroom or registration office, can’t open my locker, or I don’t have enough credits to graduate. Please help me understand these dreams!”

“Back in school” dreams, where we are unprepared, lost, or otherwise challenged, are some of the most common dreams experienced. They usually occur when we are feeling tested in some area of life. Feelings of inadequacy and incompetency prevail, and are usually reflective of a lack of confidence in our selves at the time of the dream, in regards to the area of life that the dream is about. Sometimes this dream theme comes up when we actually are unprepared for something, as a reminder that a little preparation could do us some good. However, more frequently they occur for the type of person who would never let themselves be caught unprepared. This type of person may put too much pressure on themselves to perform, especially for other people. Perfectionist and overachiever tendencies may be at the emotional root of this type of dream.

Thoughts such as “what will others think?”, “am I good enough?”, and “will I live up to their standards?” may run through this person’s mind. “Will I make the grade?” is a pun not to be overlooked, as dreams love to use puns and plays on words. These are the same types of thoughts that often occur when we first experience test taking in school. Those early experiences form an emotional imprint, which comes up later in life when we experience the original feelings in different situations. The dreaming mind brings up the original imprint as a template (i.e. test taking) associated to the feeling, and uses it to convey the dream story and show us how we truly feeling about things, even though we may not have been in school for many years.

Not being able to access the locker may have to do with feelings of being cut off from an essential part of your self. In the dream, other people seem to be opening their lockers with ease, “so why can’t I open mine?” a dreamer may ask. This theme comes up when a person feels they have difficulty accessing something important and vital to themselves.

Being lost on campus often manifests in dreams when we feel like we have lost our way in life. “Where is it that I am going?” we may ask, “what direction do I want to take in my life right now?” Getting in touch with our authentic self, and on track with our life purpose, can help to clarify who we truly are and where we really want to go.

In some versions of the school dreams a person may find them selves naked in school. This is usually symbolic of feeling vulnerable and exposed, though it is always important to check in with the dreamer how they were feeling in the dream to get to the true essence of its meaning.

Dreams of not having enough credits to graduate often come up when we are not giving our selves enough credit for what we have accomplished.

Through a dream interpretation session, the woman who had the recurring school dreams realized that her perfectionist tendencies at work were getting in the way of her self-esteem. While a high level of standards had brought her far along the career path, regardless of how well a job was done she always worried if her work, and her self, were good enough. Thoughts of whether or not she pleased her boss, did her co-workers approve, could she have done better or more, and similar themes of self-doubt ran through her mind.

When we separated out feelings from facts, it turned out she had achieved a very high level of professional accomplishment. The only thing that didn’t measure up was her self-esteem and self talk. Learning to give herself more “credit” for her accomplishments was part of her dream homework.

We also looked at how to use discernment for when holding high standards would be useful and relevant, versus when to ease up a little and adopt the mantra of “good enough.” Another tool we worked with was a visualization technique where she would imagine being able to open the locker with ease, and find out what treasures were stored inside for her. This helped her to “open the door” and connect with what was truly important to her, creating easier access to, and not feeling so cut off from, the deeper part of her authentic herself.

The following article talks about how blind people have a free running circadian rhythm; in other words their wake/sleep cycle is not affected by light as with people who can see.
Below is the title and link to the article:

Entrainment of Free-Running Circadian Rhythms by Melatonin in Blind People

Robert L. Sack, M.D., Richard W. Brandes, B.S., Adam R. Kendall, B.S., and Alfred J. Lewy, M.D., Ph.D.

N Engl J Med 2000; 343:1070-1077October 12, 2000DOI: 10.1056/NEJM200010123431503
http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJM200010123431503

A dreamer writes:
My first love and I were together when I was in high school.  He went of to college for a few years, and has been back in town for close to 2 years now. We have been dating, and intimate. I really like this guy and want to pursue something more with him. He tells me he is not ready and I understand this completely. Last night I had a dream he told me he was gay! I’m confused.

Answer:
Dreams are metaphors, usually not literal.  So we look at the symbolism: A gay man is someone who is unavailable for a relationship with a woman.  This mirrors perfectly the waking life situation of him telling you he is not ready for a serious relationship.  That doesn’t necessarily mean he will never be (he may or may not), however your subconscious mind is showing you what you already know, which is that he is not available for a serious relationship at this time.
Only you can know what’s best for you to proceed moving forward. I would like to encourage you to use and trust your own intuition to guide you through this.  And keep listening to your dreams!
Thank you for writing.

Friday December 28th at 10am I will be a guest on the Mantz and Mitchell show on KKNW 1150 AM discussing this fascinating topic.
Have you ever dreamed of a departed loved one, and the experience felt so real that it seemed like they were actually with you, more so than ‘just a dream’?  You may have smelled their perfume, had a conversation with them, or received a message of comfort. Or perhaps it was a beloved pet that came to visit you.
Researchers are finding common threads that these dreams share, making them stand out as different from other dreams.  Even when a person has never heard the experiences of others, there are many similarities. I believe these visitations are very real indeed, and how comforting to think that life does not end with the physical body.
You can listen to the archive online at http://1150kknw.com/mantzandmitchell/archives  click on the thumbnail for 12-28-12.

Hypnogogic State – The transitional, twilight state between being awake and falling asleep. In this state it is common for paranormal phenomena to occur, including auditory and/or visual hallucinations, out of body experiences, sleep paralysis and sleep paralysis attacks.

Hypnopompic State – Same as the hypnogogic state, except this term refers to the transition from sleep to waking.

Out of Body Experience (O.B.E.) –  When a person’s consciousness leaves the body and is able to observe the physical surroundings such as the bedroom they are in.  This may also involve travelling around, yet still viewing the physical surroundings as we know them in waking reality.

Near Death Experience (N.D.E.) – (a form of O.B.E.) A person may be pronounced clinically dead, only to later come back to life later.  Many will report conversations they overheard (for example between surgeons at the operating table if they died in a hospital) that are later confirmed, and the person would have had no way of knowing this information otherwise. This brings up the interesting and fascinating distinction between mind and brain, as consciousness (mind) is surviving without and beyond the death of the physical matter (brain).

Astral Projection –  When consciousness leaves the physical body and travels, similar to an Out of Body Experience, but the travel is through a more dream like, other worldly realm.

Lucid Dreaming – Becoming aware of the fact that one is dreaming during the experience of having a dream.  For more information read Robert Waggoner’s fascinating book “Lucid Dreaming”.  For more info, go here: https://www.thedreamdetective.com/faq.html#lucid

After Death Contact (A.D.C.) – When a deceased loved one comes to visit us in our dreams.  While some dreams of loved ones who have crossed over are ways of processing our loss, other are reported as feeling very ‘different’ than regular dreams. Some of the hallmarks of A.D.C. dreams are that they feel very real, as if the loved one were actually with the dreamer.  The dreamer may report smelling grandma’s perfume or grandpa’s cigar, and often the dream takes place in the dreamer’s bedroom, which is not the case for most dreams.  Sometimes a dream ‘already in progress’ may be interrupted by the appearance the deceased loved one, who almost always brings messages of comfort and love in any of these scenarios.  Many people also have these dreams of former pets who have crossed over as well.

Shared Dreams or Mutual Dreaming – The experience of having the same dream at the same time as another person.  Usually this occurs between people who are emotionally close such as siblings, close friends, family members or romantic partners. The degree of the ‘shared’ experience may vary from part of each person’s dream being the same (overlapping), to the entire dream being identical for both dreamers.  People sometimes intend for a shared dream experience, visualizing it and agreeing on a meeting spot before going to sleep.

Sleep Paralysis – In R.E.M. sleep our body becomes paralyzed so that we don’t physically act out what we are dreaming about, as this could be very harmful to our self and others.  When we wake up the paralysis releases, however sometimes there is a ‘glitch in the system’ where the paralysis takes a little longer to release.  Becoming conscious and finding that the body is paralyzed can be a terrifying experience that about 20-30% of the population will experience at some time. However, it usually resolves itself and is nothing to be afraid of.

Sleep Paralysis Attacks – A phenomenon that sometimes occurs during the state of sleep paralysis, where the dreamer reports a visitation. The visitor is most often described as either a dark, shadowy figure, or something know as ‘the old hag’, who is reported to look something like a Halloween witch. This phenomenon has been reported all over the world through out history.  Researcher David Hufford wrote a book about this called ‘The Terror that Comes in the Night’.

Nightmares – Scary dreams that often will wake us up with a pounding heart and covered in sweat.  These are R.E.M. dreams and are important to pay attention to when working through life’s difficulties.  If a nightmare relives a trauma and repeats with no progression or resolution over time, this would indicate a P.T.S.D. nightmare and professional guidance with an experienced professional is recommended.

Night Terrors – Different than a nightmare, these do not occur in R.E.M. sleep, but rather in stage 4, or the deepest, non-dream sleep. Often night terrors cause the sufferer to scream out loud, but upon waking they will have no recollection of any kind of dream or what happened.

Daydreams – A relaxed state (similar to a hypnotic trance) where creativity, imagination, problem solving and learning consolidation occur.  As part of our circadian rhythm (similar to the 90 minute cycles between R.E.M. dreams when asleep), we have a natural tendency to daydream about every 70-120 minutes through out the day.

Precognitive Dreams – Dreams that pick up on potentials for the future that may or may not play out. There have been reports of people who have had a precognitive dream and later recognized a dangerous situation in waking life because of the dream.  They were then able to make a course correction to prevent the potential negative outcome because the dream provided them with the warning and awareness to do this.

Clairvoyant Dreams –  A dream during which the dreamer is able to witnesses an outside event (happening in waking reality) at the same time it is actually occurring.

Empathic telepathy –  Similar to a clairvoyant dream, except that instead of witnessing an event as an outside observer during the dream, the dreamer experiences the event as if it were happening to them – in a sense assuming the identity of someone that the waking life event is actually happening to.

Scientists believe that if whales and dolphins do dream, it is for very short spurts at a time. When they sleep, only half of their brain shuts down, while the other half remains alert enough to be aware of predators and other threats. This state is likley similar to that twilight period we experience between waking and sleeping. During sleep they will also keep one eye open.  After about 2 hours they will reverse the process, shutting down the other half of the brain and opening the other eye.  Dolphins often sleep in pairs, and the one eye that each keeps open will be facing the other. 
While our breathing is regulated by the subconscious mind – we don’t have to think about it – their breathing is actually a conscious process, and they must stay at least partially awake to ensure they will breathe often enough. They also are usually swimming at least to some degree while they are sleeping, and during R.E.M. (dreaming) sleep the body becomes paralyzed. So dreaming for any extended period of time would not be conducive to the survival of these animals.
What about sleep talking, or learning during sleep? Researchers in France recently recorded some dolphins talking in their sleep! 5 dolphins were born in captivity and live in an aquarium where they put on shows every day. One day the show’s theme music included songs of the humpback whale. About a month later the researchers noticed that while the dolphins were sleeping, they started making whale sounds. When the recordings were played back for biologists, many of them thought they were listening to whales, not dolphins. I guess these intelligent creatures are bi-lingual!

Here is another entry from my website via “Ask The Dream Detective”:

If your dream were a movie, what would you title it?: The Disorganized Hiker

General feeling of this dream: Rushed/Anxious

Tell me your dream here:

“I have had three dreams recently, two that I can really remember where I’m trying to leave for a hiking trip/adventure in nature and can not find my backpack or cannot pack it properly when find it.

In the first dream I remember I was hiking up through this shallow but fast river with a friend who I don’t remember if I recognize. I wasn’t wearing proper shoes and was carrying my supplies in a tote bag.  Though the river was shallow were i was I could tell it was getting higher and higher and faster and faster.

The rest of our group was up ahead and I felt the desire to be at the front with them but felt like I was un prepared and that my tote bag was going to get wet and weigh me down.

I stopped on the side of the river at a cafe and two men joined me. We had cool beverages on the patio behind the cafe and I told them about my desire to catch up with the rest of the group and that I needed a backpack to do so. One of the man’s parents showed up in car and told me they could bring me a backpack and that was the end of my dream.

I had one dream about a back pack and hiking in between this one and the next one I can remember.

Last night I was dreaming and there were a lot of things going on but eventually I ended up in a kinda garage/cabin. My parents were there and they told me that we needed to leave soon for our camping/backpacking trip. I looked down and I had this duffle bag that at first didn’t seem so large but definitely cumbersome to carry.

I decided I would need to move the essentials into a smaller backpacking back pack and so i began going through my duffle.

I pulled out 5 pairs of shoes and tried them all on to see which ones would work for my trip. They were all different variations of sport shoes/hiking boots and finally I chose the ones that most resembled the boots I have in real life.

While I was going through all my clothes the pile seemed to get larger and larger and my dream ended before I could pack my back pack properly.”

Dear Dreamer,
It seems clear that there is some area of your life where you are feeling rushed, anxious, unprepared, and like you need to catch up with your peers. I see recurring themes with the river ahead getting faster and faster, the clothes piles getting larger and larger, also the cumbersome duffle bag. These all seem to represent the feeling of some kind of surmounting task that feels like it just keeps getting bigger, and is a big load to carry that could ‘weigh you down’. The fact of the back pack makes me think of school and I wonder if you are in school and feeling like you need to catch up with the rest of your peers, and like the ‘load’ just keeps getting bigger.  If you are not in school ask yourself what area of life these descriptions fit. Then give yourself some credit for being out there, carrying that load, and ‘getting your feet wet’!
I hope this helps,
Mimi

Welcome to my blog. I’d like to start off by sharing with you my intent and desire for an increased public awareness about the value that working with dreams can bring to our lives in terms of personal enrichment, creativity, and being in touch with our true nature.
If everyone listened to the messages that their dreams hold, the world could be an even better place to live in! People would be more in touch with their souls. They would take better care of the planet, be nicer to each other, and be more in touch with their true calling and purpose in life.  Those kinds of people aren’t likely to start wars or hurt each other.  

I believe we are living on the brink of the age of enlightenment, and some day dream work will be a part of every day life. I would love to see it being taught in schools, and commonly discussed over breakfast between spouses, families, friends, lovers and house mates.

I feel passionate about helping people to understand their dreams and apply what they learn from them to enrich their lives.

I hope you will enjoy my blog and my site, and that you will enjoy learning about dreams!
Until next time,

Mimi