‘Ask The Dream Detective’ – from Mimi’s Dream Column for the New Spirit Journal

A 37-year-old woman had the following dream:

“I had a dream that Ryan Gosling (I have the hots for him) and I went to see one of his films together. I think it was directed by Quentin Tarantino. It didn’t get very good reviews.”

Sometimes people say they don’t remember much of a dream, and therefore it must not be worth interpreting. This is so not true!  Even a fragment of a dream can hold jewels of information. And while this dream is relatively short in recounting, there is a lot to it. The story starts off very promising with the dreamer seemingly on a date with her celebrity crush. However, when we delved into it, the deeper meaning revealed itself to offer some sound relationship guidance.

The dreamer described actor Ryan Gosling as someone she had a big crush on. She found him incredibly attractive and he embodied a lot of traits she thought she was looking for. We searched for a parallel feeling in her waking life, and sure enough she had been dating a guy who at first seemed like her dream man. And just like with Ryan Gosling, she was quite smitten with him when they started dating.

We then explored the setting of the dream: here she was with a person, watching a big screen, featuring that same person! This caused the dreamer to reflect “it seems like it’s all about him!” At this point she had a ‘click’ as she connected another similarity to the man she was currently dating. Though she started off with stars in her eyes for this man, she slowly started to realize that he was behaving rather selfishly, especially when it came to his time and how much (a.k.a. how little!) he was willing to spend with her. He would also make comments such as that he didn’t want her to be needy regarding his time for her, yet when he left town for a business trip and neglected to contact her, he said that he felt like he had abandoned her. Which he did! Making comments that he didn’t want her to act needy was a bit of a manipulative ploy, an attempt to deflect her from placing any requests upon him or even from expressing any wish she might have for quality time together. Unfortunately, she bought into it by quelling her feelings and her instinct to communicate her desires with him.

The dreamer had another awareness; her boyfriend from the previous year also displayed selfish behavior, to the point that it caused her to break up with him. The dream not only showed her the current relationship dynamic, but a long-standing relationship pattern. The dreamer reached some insights about her accommodating nature, and how she often did not speak up and get her needs met in relationships. This kept her in unbalanced relationships longer than necessary, but the message was finally getting through and this dream was one way in which the message was delivered.

We also looked at the part of the dream where she states that the movie “didn’t get very good reviews”. I asked what she thought of Quentin Tarantino, or his work in general, and she said she was not a fan and thought he was a bit immature. Once she realized her current love interest’s selfish and immature nature, she did not give the relationship very good reviews either – despite the initial attraction! It’s funny that we use the word ‘attraction’ to describe movies as well as our feelings toward love interests.

Finally, the dreamer described Ryan Gosling in waking life as “somewhat unobtainable”. She realized that though she had been dating the current man for several months, he was showing himself to be emotionally unavailable, a.k.a. ‘unobtainable’ for a long term committed relationship.

While the bursting of any relationship bubble can be disappointing to say the least, it is by pulling back the curtain of illusion and being willing to face the truth that we can reach authentic levels of relating. This can also save us from immeasurable and ongoing emotional pain. And while it’s easy to blame another person, as in ‘he’s not available’, it is most valuable to look at our own part in the relationship dynamic. In this case the dreamer had the wonderful insight that while she thought she was being nice by behaving in an accommodating way towards her partners, she realized that she was actually depriving herself of expressing her truths, and in the process denying her partner the chance to get to know her authentic self.

Having awareness of our relationship patterns is the first step in transforming their energies. Owning our part in the dance allows us to take our power back and focus on the only side of things we have any dominion over, which is our own. Changing our patterns allows us to transform our own energies and make room for more balanced relationships, not only with other people, but within ourselves. Our dreams are always a reliable compass in this process.

‘Ask The Dream Detective’ – from Mimi’s Dream Column for the New Spirit Journal

A 37 year old woman had the following dream:

“I love the TV show ‘Property Brothers’, and have a huge crush on Jonathan Scott. In my dream his younger brother took me over next to a car, and then he leaned over and just started kissing me. I resisted at first because I really like Jonathan, not this guy. But his brother wanted me to give it a chance, so I kissed him back. He didn’t know I liked Jonathan better. I woke up feeling bad because I didn’t really want to kiss him! I want Jonathan.”

The dreamer clarified that brother in the dream was not Jonathan’s twin, Drew, who co-stars with him on her favorite TV show ‘Property Brothers’, but that this was their ‘other brother’. She described the third brother as someone she was not as familiar with since she had seen him on an episode or two of ‘Property Brothers’ but he was not a regular part of the show.

It was interesting that the brother pulled the dreamer over to a car to kiss her. Why did he bring her next to a car, rather than by a tree, or find a little cozy spot somewhere? Cars in dreams are often a symbol of how we get from point A to point B in life. They can represent how we go about reaching our goals, and are often symbolic of careers. The word ‘car’ is even contained in ‘career’, and dreams love word play. While there is no single cut and dry meaning for any given symbol, it can be an interesting exploration to see if a universal meaning fits. In this case it did, as we shall see.

The dreamer described Jonathan as creative, artistic, original, and stylish. I asked her if that description fit any part of herself and she said ‘Yes!’. This dreamer was a clothing designer who longed to create her own clothing line. She had the skills and she had worked in the industry for many years as a technical designer for large companies that paid well, but this type of work did not fulfill her creativity and originality. Now she was between jobs and was getting asked by people she knew to do their mending and alteration projects. Though the projects were not up to her level of skill and talent, people loved her work and pursued her with a lot of ‘interest’, just like the man in her dream pursued her. And just like in the dream, she did not reciprocate the interest, though she conceded and ‘connected’ with them because they wanted her. Kissing can be a metaphor for connection.

The dreamer described this brother as ‘younger and shorter than Jonathan’. Later she did a little internet search to learn more about him and found out he is actually older than the twins Jonathan and Drew! But the dreamer didn’t know that, so her unconscious mind cast him in the role of younger for a reason. In dreams when someone is young it can be an indication of something new that we are starting, or that is newer in our life. Working with private clients was a newer endeavor for her.  When we explored her description of the brother as ‘shorter’ than Jonathan, she said that what she was currently doing for work didn’t ‘measure up’ to what she would love to be doing. The pun fit, and pointed out to her that even though she was being acknowledged and pursued for her talents, what was pursuing her at the time was not what she really wanted. This dream showed the dreamer how she was falling into a role of passivity by of going along with what other people want, rather than exploring what she really wanted.

So why did the dream cast Jonathan’s brother in the role he played in her dream, rather than someone else? She said that the projects she was taking on were ‘related’ to her desired line of work, just not in the form she was really passionate about.

At the end of the dream she said “He doesn’t know I like Jonathan better”. This is symbolic of a lack of communication on her part, and she saw the correlation to the fact that her clients didn’t know that she liked designing better than what she was currently offering them. Through the dream work she came up with the idea that she could let her existing clients know about her designing talents, and possibly have a built in clientele for what she really wanted to do! She could now use the imagery from the dream as a symbol for connecting with what she really wants in life.

Dreams are amazing teachers. They want us to live true to our life purpose. A dream like this is a compass, showing a way to the path of right livelihood, and how to live with authenticity and meaning.

Episode 30 – Attachment Theory in Relationships with Dr. Diane Poole Heller (part 2 of 2)

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In part 2 of my interview with author, therapist, and adult attachment expert Dr. Diane Poole Heller we talk about how the different attachment styles can affect our dreams, as well as some tips for working with dreams and waking life situations to heal our attachment wounds. We also visit the topic of ghosting, and Diane provides some very valuable insights about why people do this. We look at healing metaphors, and Diane shares some of her own dreams and how they have helped her in her healing journey. For more information on Diane, her books and trainings, and The 2020 Trauma & Attachment Summit (Sept. 30 – Oct. 7, 2020) visit www.dianepooleheller.com

 

 

Here is a recap of some of the attachment styles, from episode 29:

AVOIDANT
Adult term is ‘Dismissive’
Left-brain oriented
Likes alone time
Future oriented
Uses few words to describe things or answer questions

AMBIVALENT
Adult term is ‘Preoccupied’
Right-brain oriented
Likes connection and reassurance
Past oriented (may have a hard time letting go of painful history; may also be sentimental)
Uses many words and details to describe things and answer questions

DISORGANIZED:
Adult term is ‘Unresolved Trauma’
Can be Disorganized Avoidant or Disorganized Ambivalent (right or left brain, past or future oriented accordingly)
Language pattern is hard to follow, may stop abruptly, lack of clarity regarding who or what they are referring to

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Dr. Diane Poole Heller is one of the leading experts in the field of adult attachment theory, which looks at how we connect with others in our relationships. In this episode, she identifies the four main attachment styles and how they originally develop as adaptations to our relationships with primary care givers, and offers suggestions for how we can heal attachment wounds as adults. We also look at how each attachment style is affected by the pandemic. This episode is part one of two. For more information on Diane, her books and trainings, and The 2020 Trauma & Attachment Summit (Sept. 30 – Oct. 7, 2020) visit dianepooleheller.com/

 

Episode 25 – Exploring Pandemic Dreams with Mimi and Kat (part 3 of 3)

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Join Kat and Mimi as they explore more dreams related to the Caronavirus pandemic. Dreams featured in this episode include: being surrounded by people with no masks coming too close, people with no masks wanting hugs, being trapped in a mall with shooters, a TikTok boy-crush hug, Kat’s dream about her future husband, trying to get people out of the house and a mall, being naked and having to cover up / guests with no masks and no place to hide, a sci-fi movie dream about a colorful plexiglass box with holographic balloons and molecular change, and a woman whose blood has the power to heal.

For more information on Kat: www.kathleenokeefekanavos.com

Ask The Dream Detective: from Mimi’s Dream Column for the New Spirit Journal

A 47 year old man had the following recurring dream:

“In my dream I am on a beach at the ocean. A tidal wave is coming. I think to myself how beautiful it is, and I am in awe of it. But I also know that I’d better get away from it.”

This dream is a classic example of why working with a dreamer’s individual meaning is so important. Before we get to the meaning of his dream, I’d like to ask you to close your eyes and imagine that you are standing on a beach and a tidal wave is coming towards you. How would you feel? What would you do? Most people would be terrified and run for their lives, if they were not already frozen in fear!

Dreams of tidal waves are very common. Water often represents emotions, so this type of dream can indicate that the dreamer is feeling overwhelmed emotionally.  We look to the quality of the water, as well as the emotion the person is experiencing, for clues as to what area of life the symbolism pertains to. Most of us would be fear stricken if faced with such an unstoppable force of nature, and wake up with our heart pounding.

However, this man felt differently. He was in sheer awe of the tidal wave and described how he wanted to just stay and take in its beauty. He did not want to leave, but he knew that for the sake of his own well-being he had better get out of there.

This was a recurring dream the man had been having for 20 years. Recurring dreams happen every time a recurring situation or issue comes up in life, and this is where the detective work comes in. I asked him what had changed or started in his life 20 years ago? He said that’s when he met his wife, whom he had been happily together with ever since.

I then asked him if there had been anything that came up intermittently over the last 20 years, some kind of feeling that might have been a bit overwhelming, where he was in awe of some kind of beauty? He blushed and we both knew the answer. This was a business man who travelled a lot for work, and encountered many different people on his journeys – including a few who’s beauty set him in awe.

Another important piece is to look at is the action of the dreamer. When faced with overwhelming feelings of awe regarding something (or someone, in this case!) of beauty, much as he wanted to stay, he knew he had to leave. This was a loyal man. I knew in my heart at that moment that he had never cheated on his wife, nor would he. The dreaming mind does not lie. While the limbic brain may feel drawn to someone on a primal level, the conscious mind has a choice. This man chose his relationship every time, even in his subconscious mind. It doesn’t get more real than that.

What a love story! This dream also is a great example that what appears on the surface of a dream is not usually the deeper meaning. The dream did not appear to be about relationships – there was no kissing, sex, or romance, not even another person – but yet it was truly about love and loyalty. It also shows that the classic meaning for a dream is not always the case. Tidal wave dreams usually occur when we are feeling overwhelmed emotionally in a negative way. While he was ‘flooded’ with emotion, the feelings were actually rather good!

Our dreams want the best for us, and love in all forms is a high priority in the landscape of the unconscious and of the soul. Sleep well my friends, and may your dreams be filled with love for yourself and others.

 

Episode 20 – Dr. Larry Burk on 5G, Carona, Precognitive Dreams, EFT, & more   SUBSCRIBE: Spotify | Apple | Pandora | Google | Stitcher | Tune In | Castbox | RSS

Dr. Larry Burk has a fascinating background spanning from conventional medicine in radiology and MRI, to the more alternative realm or working with dreams, EFT, acupuncture, hypnosis, parapsychology, and shamanism. In this episode we talk about 5G and it’s potential correlation to the Carona Virus, precognitive dreams, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), symptoms as metaphors, and more.

Dr. Burk is the author of ‘Let Magic Happen: Adventures in Healing with a Holistic Radiologist’ and co-author of ‘Dreams That Can Save Your Life’ with Kathleen O’Keefe Kanavos. He is also the founder of the Breast Cancer Dreams project, where he conducted research with women whose dreams predicted breast cancer and guided their medical treatment. One of Dr. Burk’s goals is to bring dreams back into their rightful place in the field of medicine, and possibly even into the medical school curriculum.

www.larryburk.com

Episode 19 – Relationship Dreams (part 2): What Dreams of Celebrities, Romance, Danger & Disaster Have To Say About Our Relationships

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In this episode, Mimi explores dreams that appear to have nothing to do with
relationships, to uncover how much guidance they had for the dreamer in terms
of navigating their relationships. We also look at how some dreams that appear
to be about romance may or may not have anything to do with it. Dreams of
celebrities, romance, danger, and disaster are covered in this episode.

CREDITS:

Timothy’s Cliff dream was read by Jeremy Barker of the Back Row Talk Show podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-back-row-talk-show/id1470764210

Amy’s ‘Property Brother’ Jonathan Scott dream was read professional voice over artist Jackie Tantillo, who is also hosts the ‘Should Have Listened to my Mother’ podcast https://shltmm.simplecast.com/ http://www.jackietantillo.com/

Music for Amy’s dreams by Lobo Loco: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Lobo_Loco

Linda Schwartz’s dream was read by herself! Linda is the host of the She Shed Comedy podcast: www.sheshedcomedy.com

Gerli’s Tornado dream was read by Nicole Engelbrecht of the True Crime South Africa podcast: www.truecrimesouthafrica.com

Episode 18 – Relationship Dreams (part 1): Love, Sex, & Romantic Desires in Dreams SUBSCRIBE: Spotify | Apple | Pandora | Google | Stitcher | Tune In | Castbox | RSS In this episode Mimi explores some of the most common relationship dream themes, including:

• romantic dreams of an ex
• when your partner cheats in a dream and you wake up mad at them – versus when you cheat in a dream!
• the difference between sexy-time dreams of someone you’re attracted to vs. someone you’re not attracted to
• romantic dreams of a future partner
• interrupted connections

You will also hear what a dream of a broken cat patio had to say about a dreamer’s relationship! Kay’s dream was read by Dustin of the ‘So You’re Getting Older’ podcast: https://anchor.fm/getting-older Enjoy this clip from the episode:

 
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Dr. Judith Orloff is the NY Times bestselling author of The Empath’s Survival Guide, Thriving as an Empath, and Emotional Freedom. Mimi and Dr. Orloff talk about real-life situations that can be challenging for empaths, and how to deal with them in real-time. Topics include aggressive energy coming from other people, relationships, and more. Mimi also pulls a card from Dr. Orloff’s Power of Surrender card deck, which she will post on Instagram under @thedreamdetective.  For more information on Dr. Orloff’s work with empaths, her books, and online course for empaths, visit her website at https://drjudithorloff.com/