Ask The Dream Detective: from Mimi’s Dream Column for the New Spirit Journal

CHEATING DREAMS

A 36 year old woman had the following recurring dream:

“I’ve been having dreams over the last 5 years that my husband is cheating on me. He is a really good guy and gives me no reason to suspect that he actually is, but when I wake up the dreams feel so real it scares me and I don’t know what to do.”

Dreams of being cheating on are quite common, and like with this dreamer they can make us feel very scared when we wake up, or very mad at our partner even though they didn’t actually do anything! Since the dream had been recurring for 5 years, I asked this dreamer if anything had changed 5 years prior, since recurring dreams are usually linked to something in our waking life. She said that was around the time he took a job requiring a lot of travel. By doing some more detective work we sleuthed that the dreams did indeed correlate with his business trips, either while he was away or about to leave. Dreams of cheating usually indicate that we are feeling cheating out of time with our partner. His travels became ‘the other woman’ in her dream world. Working with and understanding these recurring dreams, and sharing them with her husband, prompted them to plan special ‘date nights’ and carve out more time together while he was in town. This both reassured her psyche and fortified their relationship. After this awareness, and the consequent action they took to remedy the situation, she no longer had the recurring dreams even when he left town.

In another version of the ‘cheating dream’ sometimes we are the ones doing the cheating! For example, a different woman had a dream that she was cheating on her boyfriend. She had recently taken up a new hobby and was spending a lot of time in classes and practice groups for her new interest. Her boyfriend was not only fine with it, he was very actually very supportive of her pursing a passion and he enjoyed her newfound enthusiasm. However, she had some old programming that said it wasn’t OK to take care of her own needs while in a relationship. These old messages triggered feelings of guilt, which then created the dream story of her cheating on her boyfriend. We are all living unconscious stories that can be very strong drivers for how we run our lives. When we break the script of our story, even though it may be in a very healthy way, it can feel like we are doing something ‘wrong’ even though it is very right in the sense of enhancing our quality of life and our sense of connection to self and other. This dream brought to light her old programming and caused her to re-evaluate it, while at the same time it prompted her, like the previous dreamer, to add more quality time with her boyfriend to her busy schedule.

While these dreams may cause us to wonder ‘is my partner really cheating?’, or ‘am I a bad person for dreaming that I cheated?’, usually this dream is a metaphor. If you have reasons to believe your partner is actually having an affair, then do your homework to find out the truth so you can either put your mind at ease or make the necessary decisions to address the situation and take care of yourself. However, in the majority of cases this dream is a symbol of feeling like something is interfering with the relationship, but that something is not necessarily another person.

Whether it is our self or our partner who is the ‘cheater’, anything that feels like it takes away from our relationship can translate to the symbol of cheating. Factors such as working a lot of hours, caring for a family member, excess time spent on electronic devices, even physical or mental health issues such as chronic illness or depression can feel like they are taking away from our relationship. Our dreaming mind cares deeply about our relationships, and will show us when we need to tend to them to fulfill our spirit’s longing for connection. If you have this dream theme, consider it a message to explore the ways in which connection may have been compromised, and use it as a catalyst to repair and spend more time with the person you love.

Ask The Dream Detective: from Mimi’s Dream Column for the New Spirit Journal

THE JESTER, PRINCE, AND KING DREAM

A 17 year old woman had the following dream:

“I dreamed I was dating a jester and he loved me, but I didn’t like him at all. Then I dated a prince and he loved me and I loved him back. But then a king came along from another kingdom, and I left the prince for the king. The king loved me but only when I did what he wanted. Once I didn’t do what he wanted, I had to earn his love back but the prince was still hoping for my return and still loved me.”

This dream reminds me of the story of the three bears. When Goldilocks tries their porridge one is too hot and one is too cold, but the other is just right! On one level, the story in this dream is a reflection of a young woman finding her way when it comes to selecting an appropriate romantic partner. When discussing the dream, she described her ex-boyfriend as looking like the jester! According to her, he was somewhat immature and a bit of a class clown who seemed more concerned with what other people thought than with standing up for his own values and beliefs – or for those of his girlfriend. He would spend his energy trying to please outside people, even if he didn’t know them, rather than pleasing her or making her a priority. When we side with the waiter, for example, over our partner, when the waiter brings the wrong order, we are discounting the person we supposedly care about the most and placing a complete stranger above them. This is a recipe for relationship sabotage. According to top relationship expert Stan Tatkin, one of the keys to making a relationship work is to put each other first before any outside parties, and – get this – to treat each other like king and queen! No wonder a jester didn’t make the grade for her.

In the next part of the dream she dated a prince and the love was reciprocal. How nice! Finally, a good match. But then she left him for the king, who’s love was unfortunately very conditional. He only loved her when she did what he wanted. When we explored this dynamic, she had not actually had a boyfriend like this…yet; though her programming would likely lead her to one as this conditional approach to love was very reminiscent of her father. When she got good grades, and met with his approval she felt loved. But when she didn’t live up to his expectations he could be very disapproving and she felt like she had to earn his love back, just like she did with the king in the dream. She never felt loved or OK for just being herself, and always felt like she had to ‘perform’ to get his acceptance. Is it any wonder then, that she found a boyfriend who himself was a performer (symbolized by the jester in the dream) in the form of the ultimate people-pleaser?

This brings another layer of meaning to the dream, as we are very holographic creatures. If we look at the dream from an intra-psychic perspective (i.e. within her own psyche) we can see the jester not only as her ex-boyfriend, but as an energy within her own self that she was embodying. By jumping through every hoop her father expected her to, attempting to constantly please him rather than living true to her authentic self, she was embracing the energy of the people-pleasing-performance-oriented jester. In the dream, she eventually rejected the jester, as she did in waking life when she broke up with the jester-like boyfriend. To continue on the intra-psychic layer, the relationship with the prince very likely represents her connection with her true self, finding what she loves, and loving herself. She had glimpses of this feeling when involved in an extra-curricular school activity that she loved. She found that when she was enjoying her natural talents and interests and being true to herself she was able to connect with others on a very authentic level. She was able to make some great friends and get a taste of being liked for just being herself. However, the old patterning soon took over and she ditched the activity she loved to pursue an interest of her father’s, after much pressure from him. This is depicted symbolically in the dream when she leaves the prince for the king. Meanwhile, the friends that she made while participating in the activity she loved were beckoning her to come back, as was her soul! This is shown in the dream by the prince still hoping for her return, as well as his continued love for her.

What an intense dream. What seems like a short little fairy tale on the surface has so much to say not only about the dreamer’s romantic relationships, but about her connection to her true self. And when we shift the energies within our self, the energies of the outside world, including our relationships, shift as well. All her life, this dreamer had felt afraid of losing her father’s approval, and sacrificed her own desires to please him. The few times she did pursue her own interests were met not only with the external disapproval of her father, but an internal sense of guilt that she was doing something wrong because of his reactions. Working with this dream helped the dreamer to see these dynamics and gave her the validation, confirmation, and permission she needed to pursue that connection with her authentic self without guilt, which would then allow her to have a balanced romantic relationship and friendships as well. Long live the prince!

Ask The Dream Detective: from Mimi’s Dream Column for the New Spirit Journal

UNHEALTHY EATING

A 14 year old girl had the following dream:

 “I have recently been having recurring dreams that I am eating unhealthy food in very large portions.”

When I asked the dreamer if she had any ideas of what this dream might mean to her, she stated that she had been on a strict diet and was not consuming very much food at all. She said that she often felt hungry in waking life, and was especially pre-occupied with not eating anything that might be considered unhealthy. In the dream she felt anxious, and she reported sweating a lot in her sleep.

So, what do we make of this dream? Is it occurring because she has been depriving herself of food in waking life, or is it symbolic of something else? The only way to know is to check with the dreamer, since any dream can have a variety of possible interpretations. And, in this case, we actually do have a little bit of dream research to back us up as well. Studies have been conducted in which people were deprived of food, then monitored in a sleep lab to see what they were dreaming about. Can you guess? Yes, they dreamed about food. This very much fits with the above dreamer’s waking life experience. However, why did she dream of eating unhealthy food, rather than a sumptuous, nutritious feast? A different person under similar circumstances might dream of eating all of their favorite foods and experience pleasure, rather than anxiety, around it.

This young woman was putting a great deal of energy into not only eating sparsely, but into eating only healthy foods. She developed almost a fear of eating something unhealthy and ‘falling off the wagon’ so to speak. This theme can also show up in the dreams of recovered alcoholics, addicts, and former cigarette smokers. It is a reflection of the fear of going back to the old ‘unhealthy’ ways, and a reminder not to. What a relief to wake up from that dream. So, in this sense, the dreams are reflective our young dreamer’s fears as well.

What about the night sweats? The anxiety? It is very plausible that sweating in her sleep and the feeling of anxiety in the dream could have been physically triggered by low blood sugar from simply not eating enough before going to sleep. Whatever the body experiences physically can be incorporated into our dreams.

Aside from any biological basis, it is always important to look at emotional connections as well. I have seen many dreams about eating unhealthy food that have more to do with unhealthy relationships, or participating in things – not necessarily food related – that are ‘unhealthy’ for us in other ways. The food in these instances is a metaphor for something else. We explored this angle and the dreamer could not connect anything to her current waking life, so we came to the conclusion that in this case it was the hunger factor that caused the dreams, and the desire for health combined with low blood sugar that created the story of eating unhealthy food and feeling anxious about it.

Working with this recurring dream theme proved to be an eye-opening experience for the dreamer. She came to her own awareness that, while healthy eating was very important to her, perhaps she was taking the food deprivation part to a bit of an extreme in a way that was actually not healthy for her. Our dreams will show us where we are off-balance, and give us clues about how to restore balance. My belief is that we all have this knowledge within us, and our dreams are an amazing portal to access this information. I love to facilitate the process, but the dreamer comes to their own awareness by connection with their deepest and true self, and it is an honor to be part of the experience.

Ask The Dream Detective: from Mimi’s Dream Column for the New Spirit Journal

A nine-year old girl had the following dream:

“I dreamed I was in an arcade with my friend, we were having fun and there were superheros all around us. I discovered a hole in the ground with a slide in it, so I went down the slide and it was a lot of fun! When I got to the bottom I met Winnie the Pooh and his friends, they were all really happy. Then I met Princess Jasmine. She told me that there was another princess who needed my help because she was surrounded by two-headed monsters. They were actually people, but they had been drinking a poison potion that turned them into scary two-headed monsters, and the princess needed my help to be safe. So I went and helped her, and then I got to talk to another princess after that. There were lots of baby animals around us and I was really happy.”

In working with this dream, I first spoke with the little girl whose dream it was, then later I had the chance to speak with her mother. The overall tone of the dream was very happy, a little girl’s “dream” so to speak. Princesses, Winnie the Pooh and friends, superheros and a slide that transports her to another world… what a fun adventure.

The crux of the story is the rescue mission to help the princess in distress. I could tell this little girl’s psyche was amazingly healthy and strong, and that she was a natural born healer and helper. Most dreams contain elements of conflict, and often the conflict is a greater part of the dream. But in this dream the majority of the actions are fun and the emotions are happy.

Embedded deep in the middle of the dream is the point of conflict, the rescue mission for the princess who needs help. The superheros at the beginning of the dream set the tone for, and may very well represent, the parts of this girl that are ready to step in and take action to protect those in need against those who are doing wrong. In the arcade the girl is with her friend, but she goes down the slide alone.

My own personal “hit” on the slide was that it symbolically represented the girl’s way of dropping down into her own self, including her intuitive abilities and empathic sense of what other people need, which showed her how to help them.

The people who turned into two-headed monsters after drinking poison gave me the image of adults drinking alcohol, and the changes in their personality that can occur as a result. Perhaps the two heads are a metaphor for the two aspects of a person, before and after drinking, or the unpredictable (and sometimes scary) behavior that can result from chemical alteration of the personality.

After speaking with the girl, I asked her mother privately if there might be anyone in her daughter’s life who could be using alcohol, relating it to the symbolism of the poison in the dream. The mother confirmed that her daughter had a good friend whom she loved spending time with, but the friend’s mother had a tendency to imbibe. It then became very clear to both of us that this dream was an outline of the girl’s attempt to help protect her friend from the negative effects that alcohol was having on her friend’s mother.

The dream ends with the dreamer talking to yet another princess, and being surrounded by baby animals. While it is common for children to dream of animals, they can also represent our instincts and intuition. This happy ending seems like a nice reward for a superhero’s job well done.

Mimi Pettibone is the creator of the Enchanted Art Oracle Cards, and offers consultations, classes, and groups at East West Bookshop in Seattle

Ask The Dream Detective: from Mimi’s Dream Column for the New Spirit Journal

A 52-year-old woman has the following recurring dream:

“I have recurring dreams that I am back in school and about to take a test, when suddenly I realize that I have not studied, nor did I ever attend the class! I go into a panic. In other versions of the dream, I can’t find the classroom or registration office, can’t open my locker, or I don’t have enough credits to graduate. Please help me understand these dreams!”

“Back in school” dreams, where we are unprepared, lost, or otherwise challenged, are some of the most common dreams experienced. They usually occur when we are feeling tested in some area of life. Feelings of inadequacy and incompetency prevail, and are usually reflective of a lack of confidence in our selves at the time of the dream, in regards to the area of life that the dream is about. Sometimes this dream theme comes up when we actually are unprepared for something, as a reminder that a little preparation could do us some good. However, more frequently they occur for the type of person who would never let themselves be caught unprepared. This type of person may put too much pressure on themselves to perform, especially for other people. Perfectionist and overachiever tendencies may be at the emotional root of this type of dream.

Thoughts such as “what will others think?”, “am I good enough?”, and “will I live up to their standards?” may run through this person’s mind. “Will I make the grade?” is a pun not to be overlooked, as dreams love to use puns and plays on words. These are the same types of thoughts that often occur when we first experience test taking in school. Those early experiences form an emotional imprint, which comes up later in life when we experience the original feelings in different situations. The dreaming mind brings up the original imprint as a template (i.e. test taking) associated to the feeling, and uses it to convey the dream story and show us how we truly feeling about things, even though we may not have been in school for many years.

Not being able to access the locker may have to do with feelings of being cut off from an essential part of your self. In the dream, other people seem to be opening their lockers with ease, “so why can’t I open mine?” a dreamer may ask. This theme comes up when a person feels they have difficulty accessing something important and vital to themselves.

Being lost on campus often manifests in dreams when we feel like we have lost our way in life. “Where is it that I am going?” we may ask, “what direction do I want to take in my life right now?” Getting in touch with our authentic self, and on track with our life purpose, can help to clarify who we truly are and where we really want to go.

In some versions of the school dreams a person may find them selves naked in school. This is usually symbolic of feeling vulnerable and exposed, though it is always important to check in with the dreamer how they were feeling in the dream to get to the true essence of its meaning.

Dreams of not having enough credits to graduate often come up when we are not giving our selves enough credit for what we have accomplished.

Through a dream interpretation session, the woman who had the recurring school dreams realized that her perfectionist tendencies at work were getting in the way of her self-esteem. While a high level of standards had brought her far along the career path, regardless of how well a job was done she always worried if her work, and her self, were good enough. Thoughts of whether or not she pleased her boss, did her co-workers approve, could she have done better or more, and similar themes of self-doubt ran through her mind.

When we separated out feelings from facts, it turned out she had achieved a very high level of professional accomplishment. The only thing that didn’t measure up was her self-esteem and self talk. Learning to give herself more “credit” for her accomplishments was part of her dream homework.

We also looked at how to use discernment for when holding high standards would be useful and relevant, versus when to ease up a little and adopt the mantra of “good enough.” Another tool we worked with was a visualization technique where she would imagine being able to open the locker with ease, and find out what treasures were stored inside for her. This helped her to “open the door” and connect with what was truly important to her, creating easier access to, and not feeling so cut off from, the deeper part of her authentic herself.

Dream: ‘The House Break-In’

A 42 year old man had the following dream:

“I recently had a dream that my house was being broken in to. I was in the kitchen, my wife and kids were in different rooms of the house. I heard a noise and realized someone had broken into our house. I moved toward the invader and started to tackle, when I suddenly realized the intruder was a woman. I woke up very confused.”

Dreaming of a home invasion is a common theme. While houses or homes can represent different things in dreams, within the context of this theme the home is usually a metaphor for our private life. The invasion of the home is symbolic of feeling like our private life is being ‘invaded’ or threatened by an outside force. When we look at who or what is doing the invading, we have a clue in the direction of what energy is violating the work-home boundary. For example, if someone dreamed that their boss broke into their house, it would be very likely that matters related to the person’s job were encroaching upon their personal life. Working too many hours, thoughts of job related stress, or even working at home – yet feeling cut off from the family or a personal life – could all be triggers for this type of dream, resulting in the symbol of a work related character (the boss in this example) becoming the perpetrator.

Typically we think of home invaders as men, so this dreamer was particularly surprised by the fact that the intruder was a woman. By working with the dreamer and asking him some questions about what the symbolism represented to him, he made the connection to the idea that he had been considering having an extra marital affair. Our dreaming mind cares intensely about our personal relationship, love, and our connections with others. His takeaway from the dream was that while the temptation of an affair appealed to his libido, there was a deeper part of his psyche that perceived the threat to his family life that it would create. It was this part of his psyche that created a message to send him in the form of this dream.

We also looked at the symbolism of the dreamer being in the kitchen, and the fact that the rest of his family members were each in different rooms of the house. To him this was symbolic of how he was not only feeling disconnected from his wife and children, but that they were all disconnecting from each other in waking life. This reflection caused him great sadness, as it had not always been that way and he longed for the connection they used to feel together. He contemplated that perhaps this was the reason he was seeking affection elsewhere. By gaining the conscious awareness of what his subconscious mind was showing him via this dream, he decided not to have the affair. He decided instead to devote his energy to reconnecting with his family, and finding ways to bring them together emotionally and physically by spending more time together.

Somehow if a co-worker had given this dreamer the same advice, it likely would not have landed in the same way as when it came from his own psyche. The dreamer was profoundly moved by the message he received from his own mind. Such is the magic of working with dreams.

A dreamer writes:

I had a dream where I was with a bunch of guys and we would stab each other just like we were playing tag, and throw knives at each other. We were all having fun. It was just like a game, but I didn’t feel any pain when getting hit by the knives. I eventually stopped the knife game because even if I didn’t feel the pain we were all injured quite badly. I told them we should probably go to the hospital now. All the guys left. I asked my friend Tyler to take me to the hospital. We went into his car and that’s when I woke up. What do you think this means?  cccPS – I had an argument with my mother the night before and she said something to me that hurt.

Hi Megan,
Physical wounds in dreams often represent emotional wounds. It could have to do w/your mother and the argument before the dream, but it seems more likely that it may have to do w/your relationship with men in your life since they were men in the dream. What it makes me picture is a pattern of bantering that seems like a ‘game’ but is really hurtful to others and yourself. Perhaps this was something learned by your relationship w/your mother, since she said something to hurt you shortly before the dream. This dream is outlining the pattern for you, and showing you how you are wounded in the process. The message is that next time you catch yourself in what seems like a ‘game’ of verbal banter, take a step back and ask yourself if the situation is potentially more hurtful to yourself an others than it appears on the surface.
I hope this helps,
Mimi

(This post was originally written in 2013!)

A dreamer writes:

I had a dream where I was with a bunch of guys and we would stab each other just like we were playing tag, and throw knives at each other. We were all having fun. It was just like a game, but I didn’t feel any pain when getting hit by the knives. I eventually stopped the knife game because even if I didn’t feel the pain we were all injured quite badly. I told them we should probably go to the hospital now. All the guys left. I asked my friend Tyler to take me to the hospital. We went into his car and that’s when I woke up. What do you think this means?  -Megan    PS – I had an argument with my mother the night before and she said something to me that hurt.

Hi Megan,
Physical wounds in dreams often represent emotional wounds. It could have to do w/your mother and the argument before the dream, but it seems more likely that it may have to do w/your relationship with men in your life since they were men in the dream. What it makes me picture is a pattern of bantering that seems like a ‘game’ but is really hurtful to others and yourself. Perhaps this was something learned by your relationship w/your mother, since she said something to hurt you shortly before the dream. This dream is outlining the pattern for you, and showing you how you are wounded in the process. The message is that next time you catch yourself in what seems like a ‘game’ of verbal banter, take a step back and ask yourself if the situation is potentially more hurtful to yourself an others than it appears on the surface.
I hope this helps,
Mimi

A dreamer writes:
My first love and I were together when I was in high school.  He went of to college for a few years, and has been back in town for close to 2 years now. We have been dating, and intimate. I really like this guy and want to pursue something more with him. He tells me he is not ready and I understand this completely. Last night I had a dream he told me he was gay! I’m confused.

Answer:
Dreams are metaphors, usually not literal.  So we look at the symbolism: A gay man is someone who is unavailable for a relationship with a woman.  This mirrors perfectly the waking life situation of him telling you he is not ready for a serious relationship.  That doesn’t necessarily mean he will never be (he may or may not), however your subconscious mind is showing you what you already know, which is that he is not available for a serious relationship at this time.
Only you can know what’s best for you to proceed moving forward. I would like to encourage you to use and trust your own intuition to guide you through this.  And keep listening to your dreams!
Thank you for writing.

A dreamer writes:
Hi, I had a dream and I was finding and picking coins in our town’s park in the evening. I was find and gathering 5 and 10 pesewas coins in a silver bowl, and I kept on finding more and more coins. As I got to middle right side of the park I had gathered a big jar half full of coins. I was getting more and 20 and 50 pesewas coins. It was getting dark. I was about to come home and go the next day to look for more coins when I woke up.
I am having some financial concerns at the moment, does this mean I will be coming in to some money soon?

Answer:
Dreams of finding money are often about self worth and discovering valuable resources within yourself. The fact that you were finding money, kept finding more, the values were increasing, and you were going to go back the next day to get even more are very positive signs of your ever increasing sense of self worth! It is likely that you are discovering more and more about yourself and your life that is valuable and worthy.
Since you mentioned financial concerns in the literal sense, perhaps this dream is pointing out to you that while economics may be tough right now, you have a lot to offer, and a lot of valuable resources within yourself.  Is it possible that the dream is an omen of a financial windfall? Anything is possible, certainly – especially with dreams!  But rather than banking on that, I would recommend that you take action in your waking life to do your best to protect yourself financially.  This dream may be a reminder to help you to do that.  Since dreams are often symbolic, look at the money in the dream as representative of self worth, and the discovery of resources within yourself, and how you can use those to attract more of what you value into your life. That may mean actual money, but remember to also keep focus on what you find truly valuable beyond the material.
~Mimi