Ask The Dream Detective: from Mimi’s Dream Column for the New Spirit Journal

A nine-year old girl had the following dream:

“I dreamed I was in an arcade with my friend, we were having fun and there were superheros all around us. I discovered a hole in the ground with a slide in it, so I went down the slide and it was a lot of fun! When I got to the bottom I met Winnie the Pooh and his friends, they were all really happy. Then I met Princess Jasmine. She told me that there was another princess who needed my help because she was surrounded by two-headed monsters. They were actually people, but they had been drinking a poison potion that turned them into scary two-headed monsters, and the princess needed my help to be safe. So I went and helped her, and then I got to talk to another princess after that. There were lots of baby animals around us and I was really happy.”

In working with this dream, I first spoke with the little girl whose dream it was, then later I had the chance to speak with her mother. The overall tone of the dream was very happy, a little girl’s “dream” so to speak. Princesses, Winnie the Pooh and friends, superheros and a slide that transports her to another world… what a fun adventure.

The crux of the story is the rescue mission to help the princess in distress. I could tell this little girl’s psyche was amazingly healthy and strong, and that she was a natural born healer and helper. Most dreams contain elements of conflict, and often the conflict is a greater part of the dream. But in this dream the majority of the actions are fun and the emotions are happy.

Embedded deep in the middle of the dream is the point of conflict, the rescue mission for the princess who needs help. The superheros at the beginning of the dream set the tone for, and may very well represent, the parts of this girl that are ready to step in and take action to protect those in need against those who are doing wrong. In the arcade the girl is with her friend, but she goes down the slide alone.

My own personal “hit” on the slide was that it symbolically represented the girl’s way of dropping down into her own self, including her intuitive abilities and empathic sense of what other people need, which showed her how to help them.

The people who turned into two-headed monsters after drinking poison gave me the image of adults drinking alcohol, and the changes in their personality that can occur as a result. Perhaps the two heads are a metaphor for the two aspects of a person, before and after drinking, or the unpredictable (and sometimes scary) behavior that can result from chemical alteration of the personality.

After speaking with the girl, I asked her mother privately if there might be anyone in her daughter’s life who could be using alcohol, relating it to the symbolism of the poison in the dream. The mother confirmed that her daughter had a good friend whom she loved spending time with, but the friend’s mother had a tendency to imbibe. It then became very clear to both of us that this dream was an outline of the girl’s attempt to help protect her friend from the negative effects that alcohol was having on her friend’s mother.

The dream ends with the dreamer talking to yet another princess, and being surrounded by baby animals. While it is common for children to dream of animals, they can also represent our instincts and intuition. This happy ending seems like a nice reward for a superhero’s job well done.

Mimi Pettibone is the creator of the Enchanted Art Oracle Cards, and offers consultations, classes, and groups at East West Bookshop in Seattle

Ask The Dream Detective: from Mimi’s Dream Column for the New Spirit Journal

A 52-year-old woman has the following recurring dream:

“I have recurring dreams that I am back in school and about to take a test, when suddenly I realize that I have not studied, nor did I ever attend the class! I go into a panic. In other versions of the dream, I can’t find the classroom or registration office, can’t open my locker, or I don’t have enough credits to graduate. Please help me understand these dreams!”

“Back in school” dreams, where we are unprepared, lost, or otherwise challenged, are some of the most common dreams experienced. They usually occur when we are feeling tested in some area of life. Feelings of inadequacy and incompetency prevail, and are usually reflective of a lack of confidence in our selves at the time of the dream, in regards to the area of life that the dream is about. Sometimes this dream theme comes up when we actually are unprepared for something, as a reminder that a little preparation could do us some good. However, more frequently they occur for the type of person who would never let themselves be caught unprepared. This type of person may put too much pressure on themselves to perform, especially for other people. Perfectionist and overachiever tendencies may be at the emotional root of this type of dream.

Thoughts such as “what will others think?”, “am I good enough?”, and “will I live up to their standards?” may run through this person’s mind. “Will I make the grade?” is a pun not to be overlooked, as dreams love to use puns and plays on words. These are the same types of thoughts that often occur when we first experience test taking in school. Those early experiences form an emotional imprint, which comes up later in life when we experience the original feelings in different situations. The dreaming mind brings up the original imprint as a template (i.e. test taking) associated to the feeling, and uses it to convey the dream story and show us how we truly feeling about things, even though we may not have been in school for many years.

Not being able to access the locker may have to do with feelings of being cut off from an essential part of your self. In the dream, other people seem to be opening their lockers with ease, “so why can’t I open mine?” a dreamer may ask. This theme comes up when a person feels they have difficulty accessing something important and vital to themselves.

Being lost on campus often manifests in dreams when we feel like we have lost our way in life. “Where is it that I am going?” we may ask, “what direction do I want to take in my life right now?” Getting in touch with our authentic self, and on track with our life purpose, can help to clarify who we truly are and where we really want to go.

In some versions of the school dreams a person may find them selves naked in school. This is usually symbolic of feeling vulnerable and exposed, though it is always important to check in with the dreamer how they were feeling in the dream to get to the true essence of its meaning.

Dreams of not having enough credits to graduate often come up when we are not giving our selves enough credit for what we have accomplished.

Through a dream interpretation session, the woman who had the recurring school dreams realized that her perfectionist tendencies at work were getting in the way of her self-esteem. While a high level of standards had brought her far along the career path, regardless of how well a job was done she always worried if her work, and her self, were good enough. Thoughts of whether or not she pleased her boss, did her co-workers approve, could she have done better or more, and similar themes of self-doubt ran through her mind.

When we separated out feelings from facts, it turned out she had achieved a very high level of professional accomplishment. The only thing that didn’t measure up was her self-esteem and self talk. Learning to give herself more “credit” for her accomplishments was part of her dream homework.

We also looked at how to use discernment for when holding high standards would be useful and relevant, versus when to ease up a little and adopt the mantra of “good enough.” Another tool we worked with was a visualization technique where she would imagine being able to open the locker with ease, and find out what treasures were stored inside for her. This helped her to “open the door” and connect with what was truly important to her, creating easier access to, and not feeling so cut off from, the deeper part of her authentic herself.

Dream: ‘The House Break-In’

A 42 year old man had the following dream:

“I recently had a dream that my house was being broken in to. I was in the kitchen, my wife and kids were in different rooms of the house. I heard a noise and realized someone had broken into our house. I moved toward the invader and started to tackle, when I suddenly realized the intruder was a woman. I woke up very confused.”

Dreaming of a home invasion is a common theme. While houses or homes can represent different things in dreams, within the context of this theme the home is usually a metaphor for our private life. The invasion of the home is symbolic of feeling like our private life is being ‘invaded’ or threatened by an outside force. When we look at who or what is doing the invading, we have a clue in the direction of what energy is violating the work-home boundary. For example, if someone dreamed that their boss broke into their house, it would be very likely that matters related to the person’s job were encroaching upon their personal life. Working too many hours, thoughts of job related stress, or even working at home – yet feeling cut off from the family or a personal life – could all be triggers for this type of dream, resulting in the symbol of a work related character (the boss in this example) becoming the perpetrator.

Typically we think of home invaders as men, so this dreamer was particularly surprised by the fact that the intruder was a woman. By working with the dreamer and asking him some questions about what the symbolism represented to him, he made the connection to the idea that he had been considering having an extra marital affair. Our dreaming mind cares intensely about our personal relationship, love, and our connections with others. His takeaway from the dream was that while the temptation of an affair appealed to his libido, there was a deeper part of his psyche that perceived the threat to his family life that it would create. It was this part of his psyche that created a message to send him in the form of this dream.

We also looked at the symbolism of the dreamer being in the kitchen, and the fact that the rest of his family members were each in different rooms of the house. To him this was symbolic of how he was not only feeling disconnected from his wife and children, but that they were all disconnecting from each other in waking life. This reflection caused him great sadness, as it had not always been that way and he longed for the connection they used to feel together. He contemplated that perhaps this was the reason he was seeking affection elsewhere. By gaining the conscious awareness of what his subconscious mind was showing him via this dream, he decided not to have the affair. He decided instead to devote his energy to reconnecting with his family, and finding ways to bring them together emotionally and physically by spending more time together.

Somehow if a co-worker had given this dreamer the same advice, it likely would not have landed in the same way as when it came from his own psyche. The dreamer was profoundly moved by the message he received from his own mind. Such is the magic of working with dreams.

Shared dreams, also known as mutual dreams, are when two or more people share a dream experience at the same time. The degree to which the dream is shared can vary, from having common elements or events that happen in each person’s dream to the entire dream being the same. The experience is known by different names including mutual dreams, shared dreaming, dream meshing, or linking. Shared dreams can happen spontaneously, or can be incubated and planned, and are most common between people who are emotionally close such as couples, siblings, parent-child, or best friends. Twins may be especially prone to shared dreams, though it may happen between complete strangers as well. We may not hear about this as often, since the strangers would have to later meet and compare their dreams. Following are some of the ways in which this fascinating phenomenon may manifest.

One person is having a dream – already in progress – when another person suddenly pops in, invited or uninvited. The second dreamer (the one making the ‘guest appearance’) may have had the first person strongly on their mind before sleep, and may or may not have any conscious awareness of the dream visitation, let alone remember the encounter the next day upon waking. Similarly, the first person – who was just minding their own dream business – may or may not remember the visit by their guest who popped in.

People often ask when they dream of another person, does it mean that person really came to visit them, or was that person thinking or dreaming of them, too? This is an especially common fascination when the person we dream about is a love interest or former partner with whom we wish to rekindle. While not the norm, nor highly likely, it actually is possible. Often these types of dreams will reflect our feelings about the person in the dream. The dream may outline relationship dynamics, or the person may even represent a part of our own psyche. One distinguishing characteristic that may provide a clue as to the nature of visitor (actual person’s consciousness vs. dream character) is the ‘popping in’ effect, or interrupted quality of a dream that is already happening. This has been a documented phenomenon in psychic dream research, as well as after death visitation dreams, and is one of the markers of a visitation type experience. Intuitive signals are also commonly described as thoughts, feelings, or visions that ‘pop’ into our consciousness in the same manner. One way to verify would be to check in with the other person, which may or may not be possible especially if the other person does not recall any dreams from that night. This still does not rule out the possibility of the occurrence.

MESHING

Meshing refers to the basic level of shared dreams where some of the elements overlap, but the entire dreams of the different people are not exactly the same. The dreams may share common characters, settings, or story lines, which the dreamers may or may not have had actual waking life experience with.  Sometimes sharing a common waking experience can contribute to dream meshing. For example, if two people watched the same movie one night and then both dreamed about some of the characters or settings. Or perhaps they shared an experience, such as going to a museum, and both dreamed about some of the things they saw or experienced at the museum but the entire dreams were not exactly the same. Meshing dreams may be incubated by sharing an experience, then talking about it before sleep, and finally intending to dream about the experience.

MEETING

Meeting dreams are where two or more people interact in the dream world and communicate with each other. This experience is less common than meshing dreams, and it does imply telepathic communication between dreamers. I have experienced this personally, and will share one story to illustrate. My sister and I were on a camping trip, sleeping in the same tent near each other. I woke myself up by talking in my sleep…and then my sister answered me. I thought ‘oh how embarrassing, I fell asleep while we were talking!’, but as I gained wakeful consciousness I looked over and she was actually fast asleep. I tried saying something else to her, curious if she would respond again from her sleeping dream state, but this time she did not. I later learned that being in the same brainwave state may be conducive to facilitating these types of experiences. When we have R.E.M. dreams we are predominantly in the alpha brainwave state, and when we wake up beta brain waves usually take over. This theory fits with my experience that we were able to talk in our sleep (both being in alpha brain waves), but when I woke up I was no longer ‘reaching’ her as I was in a different brain wavelength state.  The next day I asked her if she remembered any dreams. She said yes, and told me the first half of the dream. When it matched exactly what I had dreamed, I stepped in and finished the dream by telling her the rest of it as I had experienced it. She said ‘how did you know?!” I explained to her how I woke up and we were sleep talking together, so I suspected we were sharing a dream and now it was confirmed.

SHARED & PRECOGNITIVE

In the dream my sister and I shared, there were some people and experiences that actually happened the next day! We both dreamed of meeting brothers, and both of us dreamed a specific name of one of them, and the next day we met these people; even the name was confirmed. This is not a common feature of shared dreams but I mention it to show the layers possible with any type of unusual dream phenomena.

GROUP DREAMING

Group dreams are the same as meshing or meeting dreams, but with more than two people partaking in the experience.

SHARING DREAMS WITH ANIMALS

While I have mentioned that shared dream experiences may happen between two people, or even a group of people, it can also happen between people and their animals! Again, one of the facilitating factors of shared dreams, or any type of telepathic sharing, is a close emotional bond. So it makes sense that people who share a close bond with their animals might also share dreams with them. A woman had a dog who she called Leo because to her he looked like a little Lion. One night she dreamed that she was in her living room, and there was a little lion (about the size of her dog!) sitting on her couch, playing with a toy. As she woke up, her dog was making funny sounds and appeared to be also dreaming. He woke up shortly, and proceeded to venture straight out to the living room, jumped up on the couch, and looked as though he were searching for something in the exact spot the woman saw the little lion playing with his toy. While we cannot ask the dog what he was dreaming about, it seems likely they were dreaming of the same thing, each from their own perspective of human and animal. Another man was away on business and left his dog with a friend. The plan was for the dog to stay in the house with her. But one night he dreamed that his dog was in a barn with farm animals. He called his friend the next day, and she told him that his dog had escaped from the house the night before and spent the night in the barn!

INTENDING TO SHARE A DREAM

While any of the above types of shared dreams can occur spontaneously, they can also be intended. As mentioned regarding meshing dreams, sharing an experience, talking about it before sleep, and intended to share a dream can help facilitate mutual dreaming. If people wish to meet in a dream, it’s a good idea to choose the place where you want to meet before going to sleep. It could be somewhere familiar to you, that you know and love, or somewhere you’ve never been. Once you choose the place, you can also pick a code word that you will say to each other. This is not necessary, just a technique if you should chose to use it. As you are each drifting off to sleep, really focus on the meeting place, the other person, your connection with them, what you’d like the interaction to be like, etc. If you find your mind meandering on to another topic, redirect your focus back to the meeting place, the person, the feelings you wish to have, and so on. When you wake up, have each person record their dream independently of the other, either via a recording device or by writing it down. Then you can verbally compare notes, but since the nature of dreams are slippery and they do fade away from us quickly I recommend recording independently first so as not to influence each other’s recounting, but also we may capture details that we may later forget.

Because of the fact that so many people do not remember their dreams, and even vivid dreamers rarely recall every dream from every night, I believe the types of experiences described in here, as well as many other psi dreaming phenomena, may be occurring a lot higher rate than we imagine.

If you have a shared dream experience, or any dream that you would like to consult with Mimi, visit the consultation page for more info.

Lucid dreaming is the ability to be consciously aware of the fact that we are dreaming, as it is happening, and often involves choosing to change the actions, characters, or outcomes of our dreams. When we are asleep, the conscious part of the mind that involves rational thinking goes off line. That’s why dreams seem so bizarre once we are awake, because they are from the non-linear, subconscious, creative and intuitive part of the mind that thinks in pictures, symbols and metaphors. Becoming lucid in the dream state involves bringing some of the conscious part of the mind back online. That’s why it’s also very easy to wake up  – and difficult to stay in the dream – when we become lucid.

There are conflicting opinions about lucid dreaming. One is that if you can control the outcome of your dreams, you can control the outcome of your life, which can be a great way to take charge of our own destiny. A second theory is that the unconscious mind needs to work things out as we sleep, and this process should not be interfered with. To me each side has value and could apply in different context. For example, if a child is having nightmares, it is very helpful to teach them lucid skills to slay the monster that is causing them fear in the night.

Can I learn how to have lucid dreams?

It can take some practice, but it is definitely possible. Some stumble into the ability, but for most it can take some effort and practice just like learning any new skill. Following are some steps that can help if you would like to learn how to become lucid in your dreams.

Set the intention that you a going to have lucid dreams tonight and that you will remember your dreams when you wake up. Repeat this over and over to yourself as you are falling asleep. You can also decide ahead of time what you would like dream about while you are lucid. For example: “Tonight I am going to have lucid dreams that I am flying through the sky with my true love, and I will remember everything when I wake up!”

Perform ‘reality checks’ throughout the day: take note of your surroundings to see if there is anything unusual such as strange landscapes, words floating off the pages of a book, or the fact that you can walk on water. By making reality checks a habit when you are awake, you will start to do them in your dreams. Then when you realize that you are dreaming, you will know you are lucid and can experiment with changing the dreamscape, characters, or story line.

Create an association that you can use to trigger your awareness during dreaming, such as looking at your hands – a common technique – or make up your own association, one that works for you. Practice this through out the day, similar to reality checks. By making awareness-association a habit you will start to do it in your dreams. When you do it, awake or asleep, check in with yourself to see weather or not you are dreaming. If you look at your hands and gain the awareness that you are dreaming, you are lucid.

Some suggest setting the alarm clock early because if you wake up in the middle of a dream, you are more likely to remember it. Personally I don’t like being woken up early, or by intrusive alarm clock. But it is an option if you are having trouble recalling your dreams. Just be sure to write your dream down or record it when you do wake up, or it will likely be lost in the first 10 minutes.

One study found that by being woken up an hour early and staying up for 30-60 minutes, then going back to sleep, people were 15-20 times more likely to have lucid dreams.

Once you become lucid, realizing that you are dreaming while in the dreaming state, you will be able to take control of the characters, scenery, plots, and actions in your dream. Even if you can’t control the entire dream, you can usually change and direct key parts of it. If you are being chased by a monster, you can confront him and turn him into a spec of dust, a feather, an angel, or you can even have a conversation with him. Choose whatever you want, anything you can think of, that makes a better outcome for you in the dream story. You can do fun things such as get romantic with your favorite celebrity or ‘dream partner’, or travel the world, but you can also seek deeper insights such as answers for how to heal physical, emotional or spiritual wounds of yourself, others or the world.

I am often asked if it is true that every aspect of a dream represents some part of the dreamer. The answer is both yes and no. Yes: the characters and even the objects or settings in a dream can represent various parts of our selves, and this is a fascinating way of looking at a dream that can reveal some of our deepest truths. And, No: sometimes a dream interaction with another person is there to shed some light on our actual relationship with that person. Can it be both? Yes. Even if the dream is showing us about our relationship with another person, it can be enormously beneficial to look at that person as if they were a part of us. Doing so can greatly enhance our understanding and the quality of our relationships.

This is where dreams, and the human psyche, are very holographic. Each of us has within us all the qualities of humanity, whether or not we express them. So whether we dream of an interaction with our brother, boyfriend, boss, spouse, friend, or foe, we can gain powerful insights about the other person and our relationship with them. At the same time, by empathically merging with our perception of another person we learn amazing things about our self in the process.

One way to experience this is to have the dreamer speak as a person or character from the dream. A dream worker may facilitate the process by asking questions of the dreamer, as the dreamer imagines embodying the dream character and answers as that person. Another way, coined by Fritz Perls, is to have the dreamer sit in one chair as his or herself, and begin a dialogue with the dreamed about person, imagining that person sitting in an empty chair in front of them. Then the dreamer moves to the empty chair and answers as if they were the other person. The dreamer can move back and forth continuing the dialogue until some kind of resolution is reached. If we look at the dream as intrapsychic – meaning that all the characters and elements of the dream represent part of our self – this process facilitates integration of internal conflicting parts. When we are not at war within our selves, it is much easier to have peaceful relationships with others.

Either of these methods of dialogue may be done with the dreamer imagining they are another person from their dream, however the dreamer can also embody the role of an object, animal, or setting from the dream. Any of this can also be done to facilitate a deeper understanding of our waking life relationships, whether or not we recall a dream to work with.

This technique of taking on the role of another person (or object or setting) is only one of many different ways of working with dreams to understand their meaning and the messages they wish to convey to us.

June 19, 2016 3pm -5pm

What is a dream group?

For more information or questions contact Mimi directly at 206-328-6464 or mimi@thedreamdetective.com

Sunday May 29 from 1-3pm

What is a dream group?

For more information or questions contact Mimi directly at 206-328-6464 or mimi@thedreamdetective.com

Tuesday, May 24, 2016  – 7:00 PM to 8:30 PM

East West Bookshop – New Location:  6407 12th Ave NE, Seattle, WA 98115, Seattle, WA

Communication happens in layers: conscious/unconscious, verbal/non-verbal, within our selves and between us and other people. Most communication happens on an unconscious level, which can lead to misunderstandings and problems in relationships. You will learn tools for understanding and addressing these layers, which helps facilitate personal development, makes decisions clear, improves relationships and raises consciousness.

The model used will be Transactional Analysis, a sophisticated theory of social psychology, personality, communication and behavior. Hosted by Mimi Pettibone, Certified Transactional Analyst (Mimi sees private clients at East West Bookshop). For more info: https://www.thedreamdetective.com/transactional-analysis/

$10 payable to East West Bookshop at the event, or in advance by calling 206-523-3726
Participants will receive a $2 coupon to use in the store that night.

PARKING: Enter from 12th Ave NE, take the ramp up to the parking lot. The new store location is above Whole Foods & next to Bartells on the upper level.